The Journey...

Preparations & Procrastinations

Well, it's less than one month away now, my departure date that is. I'm trying to squeeze so much stuff into my last month here, as if I'm never coming back! I'm only going for seven months, and yet if feels like I'm going to miss so much. In a way it's a good thing, because I'm trying to seize every moment here. As well, I'm trying to get in shape for the damn beach. Perhaps not trying enough. Sometimes I wonder if I should get a personal trainer... not enough money.

Tomorrow I'm going for my travel shots. I hate needles! Or should I say, I'm terrified of them. I cringe and pout like a baby when I see them. Just typing this, I'm cringing.

I'm going to be throwing a little "moving out, moving on" party this Saturday, there's about 30 people who said that they're coming. Yikes. I don't know how I'll fit them all in. I have to inform my neighbours as well, I hope they don't mind. Who cares, I'm moving out anyway. But gee, what a bright idea this was of mine. I have a lot of things I need to do still, other than planning my own party. I thought the event planning was over when I left work. Oh right... I'm not fully done work. Foolish me, I agreed to hold one last public workshop three weeks after my last day of work. And, I'm the one doing more of the organizing for it, simple stuff though I suppose.

Hmmm... what else do I have to do. Oh yeah, so I guess I need a tourist visa to get into Brazil and Paraguay. The Brazilian one takes at least 15 business days, and I would have to send my passport to Vancouver first. Not going to happen. I'll get into Brazil somehow. I hope to get one while I'm in Bolivia, which might be a lot quicker. I should get the application ready first though.

What else... packing. Not only my backpack, but my whole bloody apartment. Ugh. Jeremy and I need to separate a lot of our things still. I also need to liquidate a lot of our old furniture that neither of us wants. I'm going to be giving a bunch of it away via kijiji. I hope there's some takers.

I have also foolishly decided to go to Vancouver Pride over the long weekend. What was I thinking when I agreed to that one? Oh well, it will be a blast. I just hope it doesn't eat up a bunch of my money. As well, it eats up five of my days left here in Canada. I gotta start concentrating. Dedicate time to what I need to do! I will get it all done, I hope. What's the worst that can happen? No matter what, I'm getting on that plane on August 16th.

And here's a pic of the party we had. 

How much longer?

They say that time heals all wounds. They never really say how much time exactly. We were together for almost 12 years. For the most part, it was a happy relationship. It ended so abruptly.

So, is it one week for each year? One month for each year? Perhaps one week for each crappy year, and one month for each of the happy years. If that's the case, then I would calculate about 11 months, 1 week.

That's a bloody long time, that can't be right.

It's now been about 6 weeks and it sometimes feels like it happened only hours ago. So, how much longer I ask? If only I knew, I could then start the countdown to my happiness.

Time heals all wounds. But really, how MUCH time?

Someone please help me. The pain sometimes is unbearable.

The truth

It's not a hidden fact that travelling has made a huge impact in my life. I often tell many new people that I meet that travelling has steered my life direction towards social work, helping others, advocating for immigrants and refugees, and towards a better understanding of humanity and culture. Travel, in my opinion, is one of the best forms of personal growth and education.

It's been a really long time since I've backpacked on my own, especially for an extended period of time. Most know that I have a continued passion to keep travelling. And so now, after much drama and time, the opportunity has presented itself.

I am slated to leave Calgary on August 16, 2011 to Nicaragua, returning home from Sao Paolo, Brazil on March 15, 2012. Seven full months of backpacking through parts of Central and South America. Going through this part of the world is something I've always wanted to do. It started when I first went to Costa Rica back in 2007 and learned some Spanish. I am hoping to come home next year with a much more advanced knowledge of the Spanish language.

People keep telling me that they're very excited for me. People keep telling me that they know I am fulfilling a dream of mine by doing this big trip. People keep asking me if I'm going to revive my old blog. People keep asking me what I will do when I go abroad. People keep asking me how travellers survive for so long living out of a backpack.

Here's the truth. Am I excited? Not really. I write this first blog entry of my new chapter in life with a very broken heart. I write this entry with a few tears swelling in my eyes. I write this entry with Sade playing in the background to sooth some of my pain. I write this entry in hopes that writing will act as a form of therapy for me. And I write this entry to help me find a way back to myself.

After ending my nearly 12 year relationship with the only person I have ever really loved, I find myself at a "round about", trying to figure out who I am. I have come to realize that I lost a part of myself when I said goodbye to my best friend, my partner, my companion, my soul mate, my lover, my other half. For so long, I saw myself in him. No one else knows me better. Together, we had a dynamic, a personality, that belonged to both of us. I am positive I will never have that same dynamic again with anyone else. Of course, there will be new dynamics and new personalities spawned with new relationships, but I will never gain back that part of myself that I lost when we walked away from each other for good.

Travelling for me is an escape. I think it will be a great way for me to live out one of my passions and to forget all the pain, all the drama, all the heartache, all the nonsense, that I currently call life here in Calgary. So, once again, am I excited to travel? Not really. Dont' get me wrong though, I will be excited once I am there, but not until I'm out of this pile of rubble. Each day for me this last month has been a new and unpredictable one, and I am always surprised to be feeling how I am feeling. Somedays happy, somedays sad, somedays lost, somedays angry and bitter as hell.

So I have decided to put all of my eggs into one basket - Latin America. I am going on my own for seven months, which will give me a chance to get re-acquainted with an old friend named Dean. Ever since my relationship ended on May 20th, I have only spent one whole day by myself. Every other day, I have been blessed with supportive friends (old and new) and family surrounding me, entertaining me and making me smile, or listening to my anguish and fears. I think I need to rediscover what it is like once again to be in love with me. To revel in my own company is what I desire. So perhaps my travelling is like a quest of self-discovery, a way to heal my scars and forget some of the trauma that has occurred in the past six months of my life. It will be a way for me to find my passion once again for social work. As well, to have some fun with brand new people who don't know the old me, a way for me to re-invent and re-create a new Dean, a new identity. And of course, to have some exciting adventures along the way.

This blog, at one point, was written for others. So that people could follow me and be entertained by my adventures throughout Asia and the South Pacific. I've long learned, that although there are some that really do care about listening to my stories and bearing witness to my growth, in the end, the majority of people really can't fathom what others are going through, nor do they really care. I understand that now. Understanding is not the same as fully knowing. Therefore, I now write this blog for me. If you care to join me on the journey, great, please do. If not, no worries, I'll see you on a path down the road.

Old pal

Hello my dear old blog.

It's been so long. Gee, I miss writing in you. Things have come a long way since August of 2007, too much to talk about. I'll have to come back soon and do a proper post!

Happier Than The Morning Sun

Anyone that knows anything about me, would know that I'm an enormous fan of Stevie Wonder. Well today is a triumphant day for me, a dream come true in fact. I once wrote a list of things to do before I die, and that was to see Stevie perform live. I never thought it would actually happen, with Stevie getting older and no tours since 1995. Well, shout it from the roof tops my friends...

I'M GOING TO SEE STEVIE WONDER LIVE IN CONCERT!!



Read about it: MSNBC - Hotter Than July

Jeremy and I will fly out Friday August,24 2007 for San Francisco and enjoy a one week holiday there. I can't contain my excitement until then. I must admit I'm a little obsessed with the man, my last semester at school I wrote a 20 page paper in my religion class entitled "The Religion of Wonder". I hope that I can keep it together when I'm sitting in the crowd. I almost cried when I saw Gladys Knight perform live in Vegas, I wonder how I'll be for Stevie.

Language

So here I am in Costa Rica. It´s been a while since I wrote in this thing, so I figured since I´m here...

Well, after a a really long journey to get to this "tico" beachtown called Samara, I´m starting to get settled in. First of all, I had to spend an evening at the Salt Lake City Airport, where I slept on the ground. That´s a first for me, along with many others I´m assuming. I wish I took a photo of all the people lying along the sides, hovering by the heaters. I then had to stay over night in my arrival city of Liberia, CR because by the time I got there the buses were no longer running. I felt like I was a backpacker again!

Life is definitley not like backpacking. I´m living with a nice family who only speaks Spanish, which can be troublesome at times but at least it forces me to speak a language I don´t know. We (the volunteer) org and I have, plus one more volunteer from S. Carolina have started an ESL camp for some of the local children. It´s... well it´s been interesting to say the least. We´ll see what we can accomplish in a week.

That´s all for now. It´s nice to blog again!