Vilcabamba!

At times I am in absolute awe at this sacred valley in which I am ever so grateful to currently live in, for however short that time may be. This is a view from the meditation centre. We just had a magical moment here.

Adventure is a path...

"Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” – Mark Jenkins

Christmas Eve, Christmas Past (Vilcabamba, Ecuador)

I am normally mister Christmas Spirit during this time of year, but it is different this year, despite my attempts.

Yesterday I walked with my two Israeli friends to a bookstore here in the town of Vilcabamba where we ended up chatting for a long time with the storekeeper named Raquel.  She told us how Christmas is very hard for her, it brings up a lot of sad memories of her husband who died on December 26th, 2002, almost exactly 10 years ago.  And yet, she still tries to make her family, her children happy on Christmas morning with smiles and gifts wrapped under the tree. 

And so now here I am, in a foreign country with no family by my side, no partner at my side, and with friends and acquaintances that I have only known for 11 days or less.  As we speak, the meditation centre, where I am currently living, is somewhat preparing for today´s events.  An 80 year old man named Pondo who lives at the centre will be dressing up as Santa Claus and handing out ice cream to about 170 children. He is a veteran from the United States, has long long white hair and a long long white beard, so for him to pull off a Santa Claus outfit won´t be too difficult. On Thursdays and Sundays he guides a meditation sitting using mantras and chanting and so I was a little surprised to hear that he also celebrates Christmas.

I can´t help but think like Raquel, to think about the anniversary of Christmas, the memories of the past.  Us that have grown up in a Christian society, or a western society for some, have been conditioned to feel that Christmas is so important to us, it is a time to be spent with loved ones, to conjuer up our inner spirit of giving and joy. Therefore, when we are not in the proper surroundings, perhaps then we feel as though we are missing... something. In reality, it is just another day that means nothing to a few billion people around the world.  That´s right, billions.

I miss my grandma, my Lola.  She reminds me of Christmas, with her joyful smile and her bright energy that she had at Christmas time. I remember always helping her each year to put up her 5 foot tall Christmas tree, she would always be so excited to decorate it with me, to plug in the lights of those little reindeer she had attached to Santa and his sleigh, to put the tinsel on each branch, and to eventually fill the empty space underneath with a multitude of gifts for, what it seemed like, every single person she had ever known in her life.  She left out nobody. She would bring together all the extended family on Christmas day and connected us all. Such joy. In many ways I think I took after my Lola, she passed that spirit down to me. 

And so now, perhaps it is only because I am seperated from my family at friends this year, seperated from my partner of 12 years that is no longer a part of my life, I feel as though my spirit is not with me.  It is interesting, my Mom (and dad) are in the Philippines, my sister is in Australia camping with her partner, my brother is on a flight to California, and I am in a hippy town in the south of Ecuador staying at a Buddhist meditation centre. Our house in Canada is empty.  No tree, no lights, no gifts, no music, nothing. Emptiness.
However, the other day, the five of us, our whole entire immediate family was able to skype and chat for a long time. I honestly think that is the first time all of us have had a full on family conversation in 11 years, since my father moved to the Philippines. Technology.

One year ago in Calgary carries a lot of pain with it. Something so special to me was attacked with words and actions. Words and actions that have been forgiven, but not easily forgotten.  I wonder for how many Christmases this feeling will last for. Perhaps the first year is the worst. One year anniversaries are often the most pronounced, in my mind at least.  To be quite honest, I am glad that I am not in Calgary this year. I am content to be in a distant country away from the origin of pain.

It is hard though, to go on facebook and see all the well wishes everyone is sending out, knowing that back home everyone is celebrating, feasting, sharing, exchanging gifts and good cheer.  As well, to know that my good friend Jimmy is now back in France as of yesterday, enjoying all his customs and traditions.  I am doing my own thing I guess and there´s nothing too wrong with that. 

The other day I celebrated Hanukkah with my two Israeli friends, they invited a slew of people to the meditation centre and cooked some food and told the story of Hanukkah to us all. They have such a welcoming vibe to them and I envy it. I thought perhaps I could do the same thing for Christmas, but I am not them. 

So what am I doing for Christmas this year?  In about two hours I will put on my smile and take photos of Santa with the children. Two hours after that I will meditate, using the Tonglen method in which we think of all the suffering in ourselves and in the world and use the pain to create a healing for us all, and two hours after that from 6 to 9 in the evening I will partake in a sweat lodge ceremony.  The ceremony is not of Budhhist traditions but of North American Native traditions, a ceremony that will cleanse the body of toxins and bad spirits, and will bring a sense of renewal and healing to those that will be open enough to feel it.  I look forward to the sweat, perhaps the reasoning is obvious.  And tomorrow, Christmas day... I don´t really know. There will be a couple of meditation sittings that I will join and then hopefully those of us at the centre will feast on some food in the town centre. 

Am I sitting here, wallowing in self pity? Not really, just here on the blog. It is my one escape, to release and observe, to be mindful of what is inside me. A dedicated time to feel and think. 

So for those of you reading this, my mother, my sister, my dear friends that actually take the time to read, please don´t worry about me! I am fine, just going through a process that is much needed. I love you all... merry christmas to you and to all!

One More (Vilcabamba, Ecuador)

Just wanna dedicate this post to my pal Jimmy who parted ways with me today. I am guessing he is currently on an over night, 15 hour bus ride back to Quito where he will board his final flight home to surprise his family for Christmas in a couple days. 15 hours to reflect on his 15 MONTHS of travel that he has experienced.

I interviewed Jimmy maybe 6 weeks ago and did a little exit interview today as we sat and had a final drink and a final chat together. Only one of many dozens of drinks and chats that we have shared. Once I turned the camera off I asked him to summarize his trip in one word, he simply replied "Life."

I think I am getting better at this whole goodbye thing. It still sucks, but I'll be alright I suppose.

As i have recently learned in meditation... "May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, and may you have peace of mind". And I would like to add, may you continue well on this journey called... life.

Spiritual Being (Vilcabamba, Ecuador)

They say here that people get stuck in Vilcabamba, the sacred valley, the valley of longevity and youthfulness. There is a large banner in one of the restaurants with a recent 2011 photo of two men who have been living here for many years, on man is 92 years old, and the other 100. I recently did a mantra meditation sitting the other day with a man that I thought was perhaps 65 at most, it turns out he is actually 80. Many foreigners that I have met here have been here 3 months or longer and continue to stay for as long as they want. It is a really interesting phenomnenon to me, but I am starting to understand why.

So I have been meditating at the local meditation centre here for the last week. All the sittings are free and guided for first timers. It´s a lovely place with a wonderful view of the mountains. Once Jimmy leaves for the capital city to end his 15 month journey, and as sad it will be for me to perform one more goodbye ritual with my now dear friend, I will move on and transfer hostels and stay at the centre. I will spend Christmas Eve in a sweat lodge and Christmas Day meditating about spreading happiness to others in the world. It has come to me at a perfect time in my life, as per my last blog would indicate. Everything that is spoken of, and all of the energy that I breath in and out, whether it is positive or negative, is perfectly fit for me. I am slowly but surely coming to just... be.

There is a Chilean guy that has been staying at my hostel, at first one would think that he is on something, but once I let my guard down and opened myself to getting to know him I have discovered that he is a beautiful human spirit, offereing positivity and love to all that come his way. He calls himself a gypsy of the world, he is traveling with no money and has been for the last 4 months. He gives and gives his spirit, his energy to others, and in turn he receives food, gifts, a room to sleep in, etc. He lets the universe control his fate. And, as he states, once you have nothing you realize that you have nothing to lose, but are completely open to all opportunities that are presented your way.

And so I simply end this blog with this, I am lost but it is so exciting to find out how I will be found.

"The Real Voyage of Discovery..." (Vilcabamba, Ecuador)

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” - Marcel Proust 

 

Ahhh... I have some time to sit and relax, sit and reflect, sit and write a proper blog.  I have only been in Ecuador for 12 days, but it has been a whirlwind tour it seems from the north of the country right down to the south. I am only a short ways away now from the border of Peru and have slept in 7 different towns/cities in these past 12 days.  It´s only because I am traveling alongside Jimmy who has is ending his 14 month trip on December 22nd and is at the stage where he is trying to squeeze as much as possible in. I know the feeling, I have been there before back in 2005 when I ended my 17 month trip.  

 

I don´t like to travel this fast, nor does he, it is exhausting! Gee, it seems like I have been living on buses. 8 hours here, 6 hours there, 90 minutes here, and another 5 hours there.  It amazes me how I can just sit on a bus and do absolutely nothing for these amounts of time. A numb ass and a numb mind as I doze away in my recliner seat and stare out at the green mountainous scenery and the tiny little towns pass by.  I do enjoy the spontenaeity of it all though. Some days Jimmy and I will wake up and 20 minutes later Jimmy will say "let´s go to the next place".  We will then proceed to look at the map and point at a place, 15 minutes later my whole life will be packed up, on my shoulders, and ready to move on.  

 

The last 12 days have been interesting, Jimmy and I didn´t end up doing a 4 day tour in the amazon as planned. It was too expensive for Jimmy, so I suppose I will do it at some other point in my journey, as the Amazon extends into other countries.  However, one day we did trek through parts of the jungle to find a gorgeous waterfall where we were all by ourselves and ended up swimming in our undies and relaxing on the mossy rocks. The following day we decided to find an animal rescue centre that didn´t seem too complicated to find but ended up a little lost in the jungle, in our flipflops, slipping around and getting stuck in the muddy trails. Upon arrival at the centre, 1 hour later, we were greeted with faces of confusion because we didn´t have a jungle guide and we then told how lucky we were that we weren´t attacked by spider monkeys. If Marlene is reading this... thanks for the German good luck wishes you sent in my last blog, it helped.  (I don´t know how I ended up deleting the comment by the way).  

 

So now I am in a hippy, laid back town called, Vilcabamba, which is roughly translated to the Sacred Valley.  I am surrounded by older generations of gringos and younger spiritual travelers all wanting to find some kind of peace here, either that or just smoke some weed and chill out. Perhaps it´s the same thing. I don´t know if I really belong here, but I am trying to just be.  I suppose I am a hippy in my own right, a nomad with no direction...

 

It has been almost 4 months since I started my journey and I often wonder what I´m doing. Am I in search of something?  As the quotation states, the real voyage is not about seeking new landsacpes but about having new eyes, or new perspectives.  I say it all the time, traveling changed my life during my first big trip throughout Asia. Back then, I was so passionate, so idealistic about wanting to help others, wanting to change the world, wanting to give back to the universe that has served me well.  And so, I did something about it, I went into social work and educate others about inclusion and diversity.  This time around, I was hoping for some kind of similiar experience. I am waiting for these new eyes once more. At the end of 2011, a year that has brought me much heartache, pain, strength and new opportunities, I wonder where I am now.  I wonder what the purpose of my travels are, is it really to find something? Or is it to just BE.  No expectations will bring new eyes perhaps. This topic of journey continues to boggle my brain, pinch at my heart, and leave me often confused.  What is my journey?  I know it is an on-going process, and I often wonder if I am in that most dreadful place, THE WAITING PLACE that Dr. Seuss speaks of in my favorite book, my bible, "Oh! The Places You´ll Go!".  

 

"Waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come, or a plane to go, or the mail to come, or the rain to go, or the phone to ring, or..."  

 

What am I waiting for? I suppose at times, in this journey we all get a little lost, a little confused as to what exactly we are meant to be doing.  Perhaps all this relates back to my search for stability. Perhaps this nomadic lifestyle (it is a lifestyle, not a vacation - huge difference) is not meant for me right now.  With all this said, I have just been confirmed a job position in Quito, Ecuador. I will be working at a hostel there starting on January 3rd for at least one month. I won´t be paid in cash, but with free food, booze, accomodations, spanish lessons and a few other perks.  So I will see where this new path will lead me.  

 

As I sit and write this blog... there is an older white woman on skype talking with her step-daughter I believe and she seems to be talking about a lot of the same stuff I talk about. She is old and wise, but she seems to be in the stage as me. Is that what happens, the continous journey of questions?  A continous journey to find new eyes, and not new landscapes... 

The Language of Language (Tena, Ecuador)

As I sit beside a small Christmas tree in a town located within the outskirts of the Amazon Jungle, I ponder about multiple conversations about language.

Talks of talks, accents, body languages, varying expressions and words, phrases, conjugations, numerous mother tongues, onomatopeias (sp?), and of course... learning Spanish.

It's a common conversation within the backpacking community. Sometimes humorous and interesting, and at times exhausting and repetitive. Nonetheless, it is still an important topic. Especially the whole learning Spanish part. My progress continues, slowly it surely. I can definitely understand a lot more when people are talking or explaining something to me. I'm confident enough in it that the other day, Jimmy and myself went repelling and sliding down waterfalls (a fantastic and exhilarating little adventure all in itself) and I took all the guides instructions in Spanish. At one point he was talking about my "lifeline cord" and I didn't really grasp every word but I was too shy to ask him to repeat it. Meh... I survived, I was in good hands.

I digress. I am still quite envious of other travelers that can speak 3 or more languages fluently. English is always a common language and I feel guilty and/or privileged at times to have it as my first. Other travelers must speak English and Spanish, regardless if it is their mother tongue or not.

At times I'll be in a group and we will have 3 or more languages going at once, people switching back and forth, with the snap of their fingers. At times, someone will go on and on with me in a language I don't know (French or German) for example, and only a few sentences later will they realize what language they're speaking in.

Jimmy told me today that I speak spanish with a constant ummmmm at all of my sentences. It's me trying to translate in my head. Ugh... not easy stuff.

Anyway, I may be off the the jungle for a 3 or 4 day tour. I'll be disconnected with the cyber world, but hopefully connected to nature and some form of indigenous life, hopefully authentic and not like people in a zoo. Tours can be annoying at times, but I'm not gonna trek the amazon by myself I guess. Ugh, I hate Mosquitos... I'm dreading them!