Surreal Life (Panama City, Panamá)

Sometimes I have to pinch myself, do a double take, and ask others if this is real. I am currently sitting on my balcony in my new hostel here in Panama City, surrounded by antique buildings and architecture that dates back to the 1800's (I think). Down the street, at 11:46pm a small fiesta is occurring, in which they are celebrating a birthday in Halloween costumes as a Mexican band vibrantly plays live music to soundtrack the event, with lively saxophones, trumpets, holler, cheers and laughter to accompany.

Earlier this evening, as my two travel buddies and I arrived at out hostel after a 7 hour bus ride, we were greeted by our dorm mate with a fresh cup of tea, and a small tour of this expansive cosmopolitan city in his SUV, which ended in a quaint and authentic Italian Pizzaria, followed by a trip to a gelato shop, all accompanied by intellectual, spiritual conversation about life and humanity. My ideal evening.

It finally ended with a skype chat with my dear ol friend Mike, who is subjected to listening to my thoughts, as I write them here.

Is this real? Am I truly traveling and seeing this wonderful world? How am I so lucky? Why doesn't everyone do this? I wish I could transport my family and friends to come and join me, take them away from the daily grind, if they so choose.

This is a reality. This can be done. I understand that I am privileged to some extent, but there are thousands and thousands of other backpackers around the world doing the exact same thing.

I am grateful.

Caribeño (Bocas del Toro, Panama)

The last week or so in the Caribbean coast has been wonderful. I didn´t mention last post all the activities and beaches I´ve been visiting. Back in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica we rented bicycles a couple days in a row and just wandered the island and swam in various beaches and ate lunch in various little villages. It reminded me of being a child again, hanging out on our bikes, following one another and strolling along the road.

Here in Panama, it is definitely a different vibe than Costa Rica thus far. Bocas is a bit cheaper than Costa Rica, but since we are on an island full of other tourists it can get a little pricey.  Bocas is filled with competing nightlife spots, each day touts walk up and down the main strip handing out the latest party gimmick they´ve got going on... 60 shots/60 songs, 80´s night, ladies night (which seems to be every night though), etc.

The last few days we have been exploring various beaches and islands on this gorgeous archipelago! So gorgeous!  Yesterday I went on an island tour, got to see dolphins in the oceans frolicking about! Went snorkelling and my foot touched a semi sized jelly fish, but no sting... phew! Then we ended up at this pristine beach, clear waters, sunny skies, great company.

Today will be my last day in the Caribbean, I don´t know if my travels will bring me back to this coast again.  I am travelling with Stella from Texas and Trey from Colorado. They have agreed to be the first people to let me video tape them on what I intend to be an amateur documentary for my own personal interest, surrounding the topic of travelling and how it shapes a person.  It seems a little too much like social work, like work... but I love this kinda stuff.

And So It Ends (Puerto Viejo, CR)

Tonight is my last night in Costa Rica. I am a little sad to leave, well I am very sad to leave.  For those that have been following, and for those that have been helpful in my pleas for advice, you should know that I left San Jose this past Monday, five days ago now since I last saw Luis.

It was a sad goodbye, a tentative goodbye, with the possibility of my return. But that is no longer a reality for me. As of 5 minutes ago, I purchased a flight from Panama City to Bogota, Colombia in two weeks time. Once I fly out of Central America in South America, I will not return.  When Luis and I said goodbye, we departed on a street corner and as I walked away to the bus station and Luis to his dance class, we both kept looking back over our shoulders to grab one last glance at one another.

With that said, we spoke everyday since then up until yesterday. Yesterday morning, we finally decided that reality just will not allow us to be together, and we said goodbye for good. No more phone calls, no more skyping, no more emails... at least until I get out of Central America. Too painful to hear his voice when I know he is only 4.5 hours away from me, a simple hop on bus that will bring me to him once more.

So, that's that. Another chapter closed, another window cracked open for new opportunities to arise.  Traveling really sucks in this regard, as I have expressed previously. Saying goodbye becomes one of the toughest things to do.

The past five days in Puerto Viejo have been nice though. It is a laid back beach town on the Caribbean side of Costa Rica, 30 minutes away from the Panama border.  There is not as much rain here as the rest of the country, and sunshine has been blessed on my face once more.  The ocean is calm, with no large waves to wrestle with.

I have been hanging out with a sweet English couple, a Texan girl, and for a little bit an interesting American girl. The English couple, Ben and Steph are new at the whole backpacking thing, and it is refreshing to see them not take everything for granted, as I sometimes do unknowingly.  Tomorrow, it will only be me and Stella from Texas off to Bocas del Toro, an archipelago also on the Caribbean side, in Panama. I am interested to go from one country to the next and see the difference in culture, the difference in people.  Some are subtle, others not.

So... I leave Costa Rica with gratefulness, to Luis, to Cesar, to Camila, to Chris, and to all the other wonderful I have met along the way.  Costa Rica has definitely been an experience for me in which I got to meet a lot of the local people and really get to know the culture first hand.  I have been welcomed into about 6 or more Tico families here, feeding me, greeting me with kindness and hospitality. Not many travelers often get that opportunity.

As they say here in this country... Pura Vida!

The Truth Continues (San Jose, CR)

I didn´t see this coming, I don´t have many expectations in life, but it happened and now here I am...

Let´s not pretend like we don´t know the truth that I spoke of in one my original posts prior to leaving home. I started traveling to heal a broken heart, I left home after the break up of my 12 year relationship.  As time passes, I think about the past less and less, but truthfully, I probably think about it at least once a day. I think it is inevitable. I don´t dwell on it, I don´t sulk about it, and I don´t have regrets. I can say that now.  To me, it is what it is. It is a part of me now, with no way of erasing it from my life, nor would I ever want to erase it, for I am I very grateful for those 12 years of happiness, joy, memories, laughter, tears,  sadness, sorrow, companionship, friendship, love and much, much more.

Today marks exactly two months of being away from home. Two months of a new, temporal, nomadic, lifestyle that I have specifically chosen for myself. In these two months I have come to a point where I am comfortable once again to be alone, to be in my own skin. I am reinventing myself once again, adapting to my new predicaments in this journey we all call life.  I enjoy finding myself, I like what I see on the inside.

And so now, I write this post with a bit of hesitation, with a bit of sorrow, and with lots of giddiness as well.  Do I go public? Do I share this piece of me to whomever reads this?  At times I want to shout it from the rooftops! At times I think it is too soon.  Some friends tell me to get off cloud nine and some friends tell me to enjoy every moment.

I will cut to the chase, I will spill these so called beans that are overflowing within me.  I have met a wonderful guy here in Costa Rica.  His name is Luis. I have spoken of him before in my last two previous posts, but like a young school girl, I did not reveal all. Often people are too scared to label relationships, too scared that things will change, that people will judge, that people will gossip, but here I am, telling the truth. Why hide it? Who am I protecting?

If I stand back from this situation, I think I could look at it and say, this should not be happening, it is too soon for me to be in a new relationship, I am still in mourning over the loss of my first love, my first relationship that was a part of me for one third of my life.  This should not be happening! But it is...

Sigh...

Luis is a dancer, however cliche that may sound... I am having a fling with a latin lover... who´s a dancer. Well,  I don´t really see it that way. Luis is a dedicated, passionate person that loves his job and hopes to one day own his own dancing academy.  I think that is the first thing we have in common, we both love our jobs... that is rare to find.  We are both dedicated and passionate, caring and kind, giving our all. That is the part that binds us, that creates the sparks.

I could go on and on about all the wonderful things about Luis, but perhaps that is personal stuff that does not need to be shared.  I will say this though... the past three weeks that I have spent with him have been unreal, somewhat magical, and for lack of a better word... romantic! After all the heartbreak, the loss of trust in another being, the building of walls around me to protect my fragile soul, I have come to a point in my life that I didn´t think would happen for a very long time. Luis has renewed something in me and I am thankful to have met him.

And so now the bittersweetness kicks in, the reality, the slap in the face! I cannot stay in Costa Rica forever. Luis cannot move to Canada, nor can he quit his job to come travel with me. So we approach a crossroads in which we will have to say goodbye.  I feel pain in my fingers as they type these words, as they reveal the anguish that is to come. I wrote a post a couple weeks ago entitled ´Stuck or Living it Up?´ in which I was really writing about Luis to some extent. So since then, I have pushed back my departure date from San Jose multiple times. One more day, one more day... I am in search of any excuse to keep me in San Jose.  Luis, obviously, is the excuse. So, if there is something for us to do, some little activity that we can partake in (going to the mall for example, going to the theatre, a national holiday in which Luis has no work, etc.) I will postpone my traveling.  So I ask again... am I stuck, or am I living it up?

Where do we go from here? Do we part and never communicate again... as if we are a chapter out of a romance novel... an unfinished romance that will never have an ending? Do we try a long distance relationship and let things fizzle away, ending with a bitter taste and an upset soul? Or do we simply say our goodbyes and continue to communicate via email and skype, knowing that we may never see each other again?    I will say it again, I cannot stay in Costa Rica forever.

I tried to tell my friend Camila the other day, when she asked me the very same question in spanish... ¨What will you two do once you leave Costa Rica¨.  I didn´t have an answer and I tried to translate the saying we use in English, ´It is better to have loved, than to never have loved at all¨. I believe it. I believe fullheartedly in love, no matter how short or long it lasts.  I say the same thing about my 12 year relationship that ended with a sudden, painful crash and I will now say the same thing about this 3 week relationship.  I am grateful.

Triste es la realidad, pero mi corazon conoces amor otra vez.

The McPlace To Be (San Jose, CR)

Who would've thought that McDonalds would be one of the coolest joints to hang out at? In the central part of San Jose lies the Plaza de la Cultura, with the National Theatre, museums, a courtyard with pigeons wandering about and children haring after them. The outer surrounding blocks are filled with shops and fast-food restaurants including Burger King, Taco Time, Pollo Campero, KFC and of course, McDonalds.

I have now used McDonalds as a rendez vous point about 5 times. I am not the only one. The other day I ended up waiting for a certain tardy Tico friend and entourage for two hours! In this time I had the pleasure of observing people. One of my favorite pastimes!

Man, this McDonalds sees all walks of life, and it is always bumping! There is normally a big group of deaf people hanging out at the front booths, chatting away with their sign language, making jokes, passing gossip, living life. There are the youngin's hanging out, some goths, some hipsters, some twinks, some neighborly looking folk. Adults as well, in their 30s all the way up to their 80s, just hanging, passing time over a McCafe, or a big mac, or a single cono.

And then there's all the folks just like me, congregating at the front doorway, waiting for their friends, their dates, waiting for their night to begin, waiting for some excitement, or simply just to find their companion to catch up with about their daily lives. Everyone is just living. Life is life.

Rainy Nights, Rainy Days (San Jose, CR)

Ok fine, I know I´m bitching despite one of my previous posts, but c´mon I´m human.  It´s been effin´raining for days now and it´s a bit of a drag. Not sprinking, nor drizzling, nor spitting, but downright pouring rain, so much rain that it was leaking through my new umbrella that I only bought 3 weeks ago, and let me tell you, it was not a cheap umbrella.

I just got back earlier today from a 2 day beach trip out to Puntarenas with my local Tico friend Luis, most of the trip was spent indoors because of the rain. To be honest though, I am kind of beached out, after a while all the beaches start to look the same and I can only take so many photos of beaches without me forgetting which is which. So needless to say, we didn´t once go into the ocean. As well, Puntarenas is perhaps one the ¨older¨beaches, let´s say, with lots of rubbish left behind from local or foreign tourists.

I find it interesting how each beach town has unique niches. For example, in Manuel Antonio, the beach was filled with tanning chairs and umbrellas that were available for rent. As well, the shops there had a unique way of displaying their merchandise, which consisted of sprawling every item out on hangers in order to make a quilt like curtain of clothes/purses/sarongs, etc. In Jaco, there were lots of prostitutes in the clubs and walking along the beach trying to make eye contact with the men. Some men, oblivious to who these chicas actually were and believing they are actually attractive.

In Puntarenas, there was a lot of Chinese restaurants, and well, a lot of Chinese citizens. As well, a neat little boardwalk filled with ¨soda¨ restuarants and craft booths. One thing that Puntarenas was missing though was Wifi. Everywhere I have been throughout Nicaragua and Costa Rica thus far have been fluttered with Wifi hotspots and are often a selling point for hotels and restaurants.  Puntarenas... no.  They have aparently haven´t caught on yet.  I have to admit, it was a little alarming for me to be so disconnected for one day, especially when it was a national holiday (Thanksgiving) in Canada.

I have taught Luis a phrase I often say with my friends, ¨disconnect to connect¨ because he is often on his iphone with his buddies when I´m trying to chat with him. He was able to use the phrase back in my face these last two days.  With that said, he was still able to text and call his friends while we were away. How does that work?

So speaking of Thanksgiving and Chinese restaurants, that´s exactly what I did. I ended up having a modest meal at The Imperial Chinese Restaurant, a clever name because Imperial is often used in Chinese retaurant titles and is also the name of the Costa Rican national beer.  I had a large bowl of wantan soup and Luis had rice and noodles. I also explained to Luis all about Thanksgiving and politely and charminging forced him to tell me his ¨what are you thankful for¨speech, something I often do with others.  So in the end it was a special Thanksgiving for me, I was grateful to have had great company with me, amongst all the other wonderful things in my life.

(The best photo we could get from our server, the first one was reversed, of her chest.) 

And so now here I am, cuddled up in front of the computer,  in my peach colored hoodie, my clashing maroon fisherman pants, and flip-flops, hoping that tomorrow the rain will stop.  My time is running short in San Jose and tomorrow is the Ricky Martin concert which is somewhat outdoors, but I purchased sheltered tickets exactly for this purpose. Nonetheless it would be nice to see him with dry weather. My hostel is rather full compared to when I was here the other day, I have noticed a lot of Latinos here which is odd for hostels. I am guessing they are going to the concert tomorrow as well! So exciting!

Hit me up... 2 times (San Jose, CR)

It is always interesting to return to places I have been to before. A general rule of thumb for me is not to do so, but I make an odd exception now and again. This past week, my buddy Chris from California and I went to a couple of beaches outside of San Jose.  After spending a week in the big city, it was nice to get some fresh air. Sadly though, because it is low season.... and have I mentioned yet that it is also rainy season, the beaches were not so busy.

The first place we went to was called Manuel Antonio, which also has a national park there.  We didn´t go to the national park though, it has a $10 entrance fee which neither of us were willing to pay.  Manuel Antonio, according to the Lonely Planet, and from other people I have met along the way, is known to be a gay friendly place, with two gay hotels, a gay bar, and a gay beach! Chris, the naive, bright eyed, gay Californian on his short vacation was hoping to find the gays in Manuel Antonio.  Fail.

The first night we arrived we walked, uphill, at night, in the rain, to get to Liquid, a gay bar that we read about. When we arrived... it was closed because it was Sunday. As well, they were closed on the Monday too. And we were not going to be around for Tuesday.

The following day, we actually met up with a friend I had made in Jaco a couple weeks prior, Emi from Austria and his boyfriend (Georg) who had just arrived from Europe on his two week vacation to visit Emi. So the four of us set out to find the so called gay beach called Playa Playitas. Chris and I had to meet Emi and Georg at 11am, but before then, I found a man who was working on the beach. As he swept away the trash that had been accumulated I asked him the time, and as well if he knew where ¨Playa Playitas¨ was. He gave us directions as he looked us up and down, which really gave us some hope that playitas really is a gay beach!

So, once we met up with the Austrians we headed for playitas. Manuel Antonio has a very long strip of beach with beautiful large rock formations in the distance on the ocean. We walked and walked for about 30 minutes to the end of the beach. We had to go where the beach ends and make a small climb over top these boulders and shale, supposedly too dangerous to cross during high tide, and tricky as well to cross over in slippery flip-flops.  As we made the trek, we kept joking around, saying that once we arrive we will be greeted with daiquiris served by drag queens, while singing ¨somewhere over the rainbow¨.  Well, that did not happen.  Once we got over the final hump, we found two couples (straight couples) on the beach and more followed later on. Behind the beach was a top notch hotel resort that had rooms starting at $340 per night! We felt more like we were at some kind of honeymoon resort rather than a gay beach. Fail.  Nonetheless, we swam there and made the most of the day. The walk back was somber, with less enthusiasm and anticipation. And once again, we walked back... in the rain.  Did I mention that it´s bloody rainy season here! Ugh!

Chris and I left Manuel Antonio the following day and went to Jaco. I had spent 3 days in Jaco with Cesar and his buddies probably 10 days prior.  This is when it gets interesting to return to places because you feel a sense of orientation and security. You know what to expect, you know where things are.  So when we arrived, I knew exactly where to get off on the bus and we even returned to the same hotel I had stayed at previously where the lady remembered me. There was even a couple restaurants where the servers remembered me as well, that´s kinda nice.  However, Jaco was not the same as it was ten days prior. It was dead. The night life was non-existent and the town seemed empty and deserted.  That first night in Jaco Chris and I said that we already missed San Jose, despite the pollution and the fact that there are no beaches there. We thought of returning the next day but remembered we had already paid for two nights at the hotel. Oh well.

And once again, when we finally returned to San Jose two days ago, it was like coming back to familiarity. We checked into our same hostel as before, each of us got our same dorm room and I even got my same bed as before. A creature of habbit I am.

So, as per my previous post, I am going to stay here just a little bit longer. I have friends here. My good friend Luis who I met last week, a local here from San Jose, and I are going to the Ricky Martin concert next Wednesday! It´s a big deal here, there are Ricky Martin Posters everywhere and I have seen news coverage of it as well. I guess he hasn´t been here in years. Well really, Ricky Martin hasn´t been performing anywhere in years. Too bad Ricky Martin is from Puerto Rico, it would´ve been cool to say that I saw Ricky in his home turf.