Saturday, January 28, 2012
Whatevs (Quito, Ecuador)
I´m just sitting at an internet cafe waiting to skype so perhaps I´ll type something. I´m a little hungover and tired so let´s keep this short. Um.... well maybe that´s all I´ll say.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Work (Quito, Ecuador)
I don´t have much time to write a blog right now. I say this just to prove a point really. Ever since I have started working again, 6 days per week, 8 hours per day, I haven´t had much time of my own. It just goes to show that work really does take away from a lot of the good things in life; a topic that many travellers often discuss, the mundane lifestyle in the western, capitalistic world that we have all been socialized to believe as normal. With all that said, I am really enjoying my hostel job. When I get a chance, I´ll write more about it.
So, on my one day off that I have had thus far, I went to our sister hostel in a remote valley area called Cotopaxi which is surrounded by tall mountains and glaciers, including the famous one called... Cotopaxi. There I was able to somewhat relax, but all the guests that were at the hostel were former guests of the hostel in Quito, so I knew everyone and I had to put on my charming smile once more. Haha, who am I kidding... I´m just a charming guy all around. Not. Actually, when I had an astrology reading done on me back in Vilcabamba, and anytime that I´ve done a personality assessment, it always states that I am half extroverted and half introverted, and therefore I need my alone time, time to rejuvenate and then I have episodic bursts of outgoingness.
Anyway, yesterday before coming back to work for my 3:00pm shift, I ended up going on a 5 hour horseback riding trip in the mountains with my co-worker Romana and these new friends from none other than Edmonton, AB, Canada. I have only ridden a horse two times prior, and they were very tranquilo walks. Yesterday was a real ride, where I was trotting and galloping at times, with my horse bucking and naying. Alfonso was my horse´s name, a laid back kinda horse that beats his own drum, but at the same time follows the crowd. By the end of the 5 hours I began to understand his personality and really enjoyed being his companion. I now get why people fall in love with horses and the reasoning for terms like the ´horse whisperer´.
So I returned to work last night at 4pm exhausted (one hour late, but my fellow mates covered us) and then again this morning at 7am. This morning I awoke and pain covered my body, especially my ass, my shoulders, back, abs and legs... well, like I said, most of my body. Then to top it all off, in my 5 story hostel at 2800 meters altitude, I fell on one of the stairs and banged my knee really hard, which hasn´t stopped giving me problems since. Ouch. Good one Dean.
 |
| 'Work Destroys Life' - Some grafitti I found in Colombia. |
So, on my one day off that I have had thus far, I went to our sister hostel in a remote valley area called Cotopaxi which is surrounded by tall mountains and glaciers, including the famous one called... Cotopaxi. There I was able to somewhat relax, but all the guests that were at the hostel were former guests of the hostel in Quito, so I knew everyone and I had to put on my charming smile once more. Haha, who am I kidding... I´m just a charming guy all around. Not. Actually, when I had an astrology reading done on me back in Vilcabamba, and anytime that I´ve done a personality assessment, it always states that I am half extroverted and half introverted, and therefore I need my alone time, time to rejuvenate and then I have episodic bursts of outgoingness.
Anyway, yesterday before coming back to work for my 3:00pm shift, I ended up going on a 5 hour horseback riding trip in the mountains with my co-worker Romana and these new friends from none other than Edmonton, AB, Canada. I have only ridden a horse two times prior, and they were very tranquilo walks. Yesterday was a real ride, where I was trotting and galloping at times, with my horse bucking and naying. Alfonso was my horse´s name, a laid back kinda horse that beats his own drum, but at the same time follows the crowd. By the end of the 5 hours I began to understand his personality and really enjoyed being his companion. I now get why people fall in love with horses and the reasoning for terms like the ´horse whisperer´.
So I returned to work last night at 4pm exhausted (one hour late, but my fellow mates covered us) and then again this morning at 7am. This morning I awoke and pain covered my body, especially my ass, my shoulders, back, abs and legs... well, like I said, most of my body. Then to top it all off, in my 5 story hostel at 2800 meters altitude, I fell on one of the stairs and banged my knee really hard, which hasn´t stopped giving me problems since. Ouch. Good one Dean.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
A New Something (Quito, Ecuador)
I have just rung in the new year with about 30 strangers and acquaintances on the rooftop patio of the hostel that I will begin to work at in 3 days time. I have a large smile on my face, despite that I am essentially alone on new years eve. Being surrounded by strangers gives me comfort that what lies ahead is unknown. I am facing this journey on my own, with the past behind me to give me lessons in life. These strangers are potential friends, potential influences, potential seeds that may feed me towards new directions, new beginnings. the unknown is so exciting, and I am the one who is guiding it, steering the direction of where I will and will not go.
This is now the second new year that I've rung in by myself. But this is perhaps the first in which I feel strong as an individual, with no ties, no one to hold me down.
I am thankful.
Thankful for the year that has passed, with all of it's ups and downs. An unexpected roller coaster ride, which was at times lonely, frightening, depressing, and darkened with dreadful fear. At other times, it was joyful, splendidly delightful, funny, and merciful. I have experienced a pain in my heart, a separation, a tearing of my insides that I had never imagined possible, and on the flip-side a renewal, a re-growth, a re-discovery of life and spirituality that was beneath the muddied surface. I have found a new light, a new life. I am on my own. However, I know that I am not alone. I carry with me my past, my friendships, my family, my colleagues, my clients, my acquaintances, my travel companions, my eyes and insights, my wisdom and ignorance, and most importantly my zest for life, to guide me and inform me. I am grateful for everything that has ever encountered my being to make me who I am today, ready to navigate through a new year, a new beginning, a new door, a new life that is always being re-born.
Thank you for the gift of life. Thank you for the unknown. Thank you for the past, the present, and what will become of me in the future.
Change and impermanence is the only value I can rely on these days.
This is now the second new year that I've rung in by myself. But this is perhaps the first in which I feel strong as an individual, with no ties, no one to hold me down.
I am thankful.
Thankful for the year that has passed, with all of it's ups and downs. An unexpected roller coaster ride, which was at times lonely, frightening, depressing, and darkened with dreadful fear. At other times, it was joyful, splendidly delightful, funny, and merciful. I have experienced a pain in my heart, a separation, a tearing of my insides that I had never imagined possible, and on the flip-side a renewal, a re-growth, a re-discovery of life and spirituality that was beneath the muddied surface. I have found a new light, a new life. I am on my own. However, I know that I am not alone. I carry with me my past, my friendships, my family, my colleagues, my clients, my acquaintances, my travel companions, my eyes and insights, my wisdom and ignorance, and most importantly my zest for life, to guide me and inform me. I am grateful for everything that has ever encountered my being to make me who I am today, ready to navigate through a new year, a new beginning, a new door, a new life that is always being re-born.
Thank you for the gift of life. Thank you for the unknown. Thank you for the past, the present, and what will become of me in the future.
Change and impermanence is the only value I can rely on these days.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Vilcabamba!
At times I am in absolute awe at this sacred valley in which I am ever so grateful to currently live in, for however short that time may be. This is a view from the meditation centre. We just had a magical moment here.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Adventure is a path...
"Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” – Mark Jenkins
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Christmas Eve, Christmas Past (Vilcabamba, Ecuador)
I am normally mister Christmas Spirit during this time of year, but it is different this year, despite my attempts.
Yesterday I walked with my two Israeli friends to a bookstore here in the town of Vilcabamba where we ended up chatting for a long time with the storekeeper named Raquel. She told us how Christmas is very hard for her, it brings up a lot of sad memories of her husband who died on December 26th, 2002, almost exactly 10 years ago. And yet, she still tries to make her family, her children happy on Christmas morning with smiles and gifts wrapped under the tree.
And so now here I am, in a foreign country with no family by my side, no partner at my side, and with friends and acquaintances that I have only known for 11 days or less. As we speak, the meditation centre, where I am currently living, is somewhat preparing for today´s events. An 80 year old man named Pondo who lives at the centre will be dressing up as Santa Claus and handing out ice cream to about 170 children. He is a veteran from the United States, has long long white hair and a long long white beard, so for him to pull off a Santa Claus outfit won´t be too difficult. On Thursdays and Sundays he guides a meditation sitting using mantras and chanting and so I was a little surprised to hear that he also celebrates Christmas.
I can´t help but think like Raquel, to think about the anniversary of Christmas, the memories of the past. Us that have grown up in a Christian society, or a western society for some, have been conditioned to feel that Christmas is so important to us, it is a time to be spent with loved ones, to conjuer up our inner spirit of giving and joy. Therefore, when we are not in the proper surroundings, perhaps then we feel as though we are missing... something. In reality, it is just another day that means nothing to a few billion people around the world. That´s right, billions.
I miss my grandma, my Lola. She reminds me of Christmas, with her joyful smile and her bright energy that she had at Christmas time. I remember always helping her each year to put up her 5 foot tall Christmas tree, she would always be so excited to decorate it with me, to plug in the lights of those little reindeer she had attached to Santa and his sleigh, to put the tinsel on each branch, and to eventually fill the empty space underneath with a multitude of gifts for, what it seemed like, every single person she had ever known in her life. She left out nobody. She would bring together all the extended family on Christmas day and connected us all. Such joy. In many ways I think I took after my Lola, she passed that spirit down to me.
And so now, perhaps it is only because I am seperated from my family at friends this year, seperated from my partner of 12 years that is no longer a part of my life, I feel as though my spirit is not with me. It is interesting, my Mom (and dad) are in the Philippines, my sister is in Australia camping with her partner, my brother is on a flight to California, and I am in a hippy town in the south of Ecuador staying at a Buddhist meditation centre. Our house in Canada is empty. No tree, no lights, no gifts, no music, nothing. Emptiness.
However, the other day, the five of us, our whole entire immediate family was able to skype and chat for a long time. I honestly think that is the first time all of us have had a full on family conversation in 11 years, since my father moved to the Philippines. Technology.
One year ago in Calgary carries a lot of pain with it. Something so special to me was attacked with words and actions. Words and actions that have been forgiven, but not easily forgotten. I wonder for how many Christmases this feeling will last for. Perhaps the first year is the worst. One year anniversaries are often the most pronounced, in my mind at least. To be quite honest, I am glad that I am not in Calgary this year. I am content to be in a distant country away from the origin of pain.
It is hard though, to go on facebook and see all the well wishes everyone is sending out, knowing that back home everyone is celebrating, feasting, sharing, exchanging gifts and good cheer. As well, to know that my good friend Jimmy is now back in France as of yesterday, enjoying all his customs and traditions. I am doing my own thing I guess and there´s nothing too wrong with that.
The other day I celebrated Hanukkah with my two Israeli friends, they invited a slew of people to the meditation centre and cooked some food and told the story of Hanukkah to us all. They have such a welcoming vibe to them and I envy it. I thought perhaps I could do the same thing for Christmas, but I am not them.
So what am I doing for Christmas this year? In about two hours I will put on my smile and take photos of Santa with the children. Two hours after that I will meditate, using the Tonglen method in which we think of all the suffering in ourselves and in the world and use the pain to create a healing for us all, and two hours after that from 6 to 9 in the evening I will partake in a sweat lodge ceremony. The ceremony is not of Budhhist traditions but of North American Native traditions, a ceremony that will cleanse the body of toxins and bad spirits, and will bring a sense of renewal and healing to those that will be open enough to feel it. I look forward to the sweat, perhaps the reasoning is obvious. And tomorrow, Christmas day... I don´t really know. There will be a couple of meditation sittings that I will join and then hopefully those of us at the centre will feast on some food in the town centre.
Am I sitting here, wallowing in self pity? Not really, just here on the blog. It is my one escape, to release and observe, to be mindful of what is inside me. A dedicated time to feel and think.
So for those of you reading this, my mother, my sister, my dear friends that actually take the time to read, please don´t worry about me! I am fine, just going through a process that is much needed. I love you all... merry christmas to you and to all!
Yesterday I walked with my two Israeli friends to a bookstore here in the town of Vilcabamba where we ended up chatting for a long time with the storekeeper named Raquel. She told us how Christmas is very hard for her, it brings up a lot of sad memories of her husband who died on December 26th, 2002, almost exactly 10 years ago. And yet, she still tries to make her family, her children happy on Christmas morning with smiles and gifts wrapped under the tree.
And so now here I am, in a foreign country with no family by my side, no partner at my side, and with friends and acquaintances that I have only known for 11 days or less. As we speak, the meditation centre, where I am currently living, is somewhat preparing for today´s events. An 80 year old man named Pondo who lives at the centre will be dressing up as Santa Claus and handing out ice cream to about 170 children. He is a veteran from the United States, has long long white hair and a long long white beard, so for him to pull off a Santa Claus outfit won´t be too difficult. On Thursdays and Sundays he guides a meditation sitting using mantras and chanting and so I was a little surprised to hear that he also celebrates Christmas.
I can´t help but think like Raquel, to think about the anniversary of Christmas, the memories of the past. Us that have grown up in a Christian society, or a western society for some, have been conditioned to feel that Christmas is so important to us, it is a time to be spent with loved ones, to conjuer up our inner spirit of giving and joy. Therefore, when we are not in the proper surroundings, perhaps then we feel as though we are missing... something. In reality, it is just another day that means nothing to a few billion people around the world. That´s right, billions.
I miss my grandma, my Lola. She reminds me of Christmas, with her joyful smile and her bright energy that she had at Christmas time. I remember always helping her each year to put up her 5 foot tall Christmas tree, she would always be so excited to decorate it with me, to plug in the lights of those little reindeer she had attached to Santa and his sleigh, to put the tinsel on each branch, and to eventually fill the empty space underneath with a multitude of gifts for, what it seemed like, every single person she had ever known in her life. She left out nobody. She would bring together all the extended family on Christmas day and connected us all. Such joy. In many ways I think I took after my Lola, she passed that spirit down to me.
And so now, perhaps it is only because I am seperated from my family at friends this year, seperated from my partner of 12 years that is no longer a part of my life, I feel as though my spirit is not with me. It is interesting, my Mom (and dad) are in the Philippines, my sister is in Australia camping with her partner, my brother is on a flight to California, and I am in a hippy town in the south of Ecuador staying at a Buddhist meditation centre. Our house in Canada is empty. No tree, no lights, no gifts, no music, nothing. Emptiness.
However, the other day, the five of us, our whole entire immediate family was able to skype and chat for a long time. I honestly think that is the first time all of us have had a full on family conversation in 11 years, since my father moved to the Philippines. Technology.
One year ago in Calgary carries a lot of pain with it. Something so special to me was attacked with words and actions. Words and actions that have been forgiven, but not easily forgotten. I wonder for how many Christmases this feeling will last for. Perhaps the first year is the worst. One year anniversaries are often the most pronounced, in my mind at least. To be quite honest, I am glad that I am not in Calgary this year. I am content to be in a distant country away from the origin of pain.
It is hard though, to go on facebook and see all the well wishes everyone is sending out, knowing that back home everyone is celebrating, feasting, sharing, exchanging gifts and good cheer. As well, to know that my good friend Jimmy is now back in France as of yesterday, enjoying all his customs and traditions. I am doing my own thing I guess and there´s nothing too wrong with that.
The other day I celebrated Hanukkah with my two Israeli friends, they invited a slew of people to the meditation centre and cooked some food and told the story of Hanukkah to us all. They have such a welcoming vibe to them and I envy it. I thought perhaps I could do the same thing for Christmas, but I am not them.
So what am I doing for Christmas this year? In about two hours I will put on my smile and take photos of Santa with the children. Two hours after that I will meditate, using the Tonglen method in which we think of all the suffering in ourselves and in the world and use the pain to create a healing for us all, and two hours after that from 6 to 9 in the evening I will partake in a sweat lodge ceremony. The ceremony is not of Budhhist traditions but of North American Native traditions, a ceremony that will cleanse the body of toxins and bad spirits, and will bring a sense of renewal and healing to those that will be open enough to feel it. I look forward to the sweat, perhaps the reasoning is obvious. And tomorrow, Christmas day... I don´t really know. There will be a couple of meditation sittings that I will join and then hopefully those of us at the centre will feast on some food in the town centre.
Am I sitting here, wallowing in self pity? Not really, just here on the blog. It is my one escape, to release and observe, to be mindful of what is inside me. A dedicated time to feel and think.
So for those of you reading this, my mother, my sister, my dear friends that actually take the time to read, please don´t worry about me! I am fine, just going through a process that is much needed. I love you all... merry christmas to you and to all!
Monday, December 19, 2011
One More (Vilcabamba, Ecuador)
Just wanna dedicate this post to my pal Jimmy who parted ways with me today. I am guessing he is currently on an over night, 15 hour bus ride back to Quito where he will board his final flight home to surprise his family for Christmas in a couple days. 15 hours to reflect on his 15 MONTHS of travel that he has experienced.
I interviewed Jimmy maybe 6 weeks ago and did a little exit interview today as we sat and had a final drink and a final chat together. Only one of many dozens of drinks and chats that we have shared. Once I turned the camera off I asked him to summarize his trip in one word, he simply replied "Life."
I think I am getting better at this whole goodbye thing. It still sucks, but I'll be alright I suppose.
As i have recently learned in meditation... "May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, and may you have peace of mind". And I would like to add, may you continue well on this journey called... life.
I interviewed Jimmy maybe 6 weeks ago and did a little exit interview today as we sat and had a final drink and a final chat together. Only one of many dozens of drinks and chats that we have shared. Once I turned the camera off I asked him to summarize his trip in one word, he simply replied "Life."
I think I am getting better at this whole goodbye thing. It still sucks, but I'll be alright I suppose.
As i have recently learned in meditation... "May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, and may you have peace of mind". And I would like to add, may you continue well on this journey called... life.
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Letters to my Mom - Part 1
Hi Mom, I'm here in Playa del Carmen, Mexico while Carlos and Isaac are in the Philippines. They visited Tita Girlie and everyone else...
