Qucik Hello! (Adelaide, Australia)

Hi guys, I've been here in Adelaide for about a week now. I've been trying to cope with westernization again, its so expensive here!!! I'm also trying to deal with the death of my Grandma, hopefully you've read my last 2 entries. I also really miss the children in Cambodia and think about them often.

I've been staying at my sister's friends' house. Its Fringe Festival time here, that's fun... but expensive. I just bought an $800 1977 Station Wagon!! I'm about to register it and drive around Australia with Jeremy. I pick him up in Melbourne in about 2 weeks, I can't wait. Until then, I hope to do some work here, I plan on doing some grape picking out in the orchards. Its an honor to pick the grapes that will contribute to the famous wines of South Australia!

Internet's expensive, I won't be able to write or email as much. Take care till next time.

My Lola

Hello everyone, I apologise for not being there in Calgary right now to celebrate the life of my Lola with you all. She is a wonderful human being who I love dearly. The following are some of my fond memories and thoughts of about Lola.

One of the things that sticks out from when I was growing up are the sleepovers I used to have at Lola's house. It was back in the day when Lola used to make those gigantic, fancy wedding cakes. She would always want me there to the night before to help with misc. things, such as move this cake here or there, put this icing into that bowl, or simply just to give her support and company. I would love watching her in action, I could always tell that she loved what she was doing. Every single cake she ever made was a masterpiece, with coloful flowers, icing, waterfalls and little miniature figurines that she always had to re-paint to match the motif.
At the end of the night, she'd sit back and go "Wowie, Wowie, its so beautiful!" and I'd reply "Yes Lola, its beautiful". We would then retire in her old beige couch, which was passed down by Tito Caloy, and fold it out into a mattress and fall asleep side by side.

Whenever Lola had a special occasion to attend, such as a wedding or a senior's party, she would dress up to the nines. I love that she still took the time to pretty herself up with make-up, jewellery and shiny sequined dress. You go Lola!! You'll be the prettiest one in Heaven!
Lola was so generous and considerate, she was always willing to share and give whatever she had. It seemed like she had a constant supply of cookies, chocolate bars and her icing flowers ready for whenever I came over. Although it never seemed like Lola ate them herself. When Mom would be on holiday in the Philippines, she would always cook for us kids to make sure we were eating well and not the junk food that Dad was buying us. Even when Mom was home, she'd still cook and share her ullam with us, saying that Mom's had a busy workday and should be resting.

During Halloween and Easter, she would always have a goodie bag put away for Kuya Mabla our cousins and me. She only stopped doing this a few years ago. Lola had such a holiday spirit, she wasn't made out of money but at Christmas time, she had a present for everyone. Her floor would be covered in gifts that she'd been buying since the summer. I always had the privilege of being Santa Claus and got to separate them by family and distribute them. Her house would always have some kind of a Christmas tree, little decorative knick knacks displayed on her counter and those 12 or so lights in her window that she always insisted plugging in each year.
I don't remember much from the ages of 0-5, but I do know this is when Lola lived with us and helped raise me. However, I do remember when Lauren and Michael were babies, Lola would always hold them so dearly and care for them with so much love. She would always sing "Do-re-mi" as a lullaby and pat them on their diapers. Thinking of this now, I know she did the same with Mabla, Kuya and me, with the same amount of love.

For most of my life, whenever Lola and I were in a public environment with her friends, she would always call me over. I always knew what was coming and I’d be shy and reluctant. Lola would wrap her arms around me and introduce me as her “Apo” and then brag about me for the next five minutes as I smiled and tried to squirm my way out of her hold. I would always be so embarrassed. Only now do I realise how proud Lola was to have me as a grandson and wanted to show me off. As I get older and grow into a mature adult, I realise that having some one who’s proud of you starts to become a rare thing and I should be grateful to have a grandmother who’s excited to brag about me.

The last day I saw Lola was on Oct. 14, 2003, the day I left for my travels. Lola sat me down and talked to me for a good 90 minutes or so. In this time she gave me some advise about friends, family and life. I learned a lot of things in that time. Firstly, I realised how much Lola really loves me and my Mom. Lola always put Mom before herself. I also came to the realisation that the woman sitting in front of me is not just a sweet old Grandma, but a person who’s lived 85 meaningful years and has the wisdom to prove it. She loved life and each morning she awoke, she would say, “Thank-you beautiful Lord for giving me another day!”

If anything, I should be the one who’s proud. I am truly proud to have had a Lola as wonderful as my Lola

I would like to believe that the other day when Lola got into Heaven, all her friends and family that since passed, were there to greet her, all dressed up in suits and dresses. They threw her a welcoming party, with lots of Filipino food and deserts. As well as a DJ to play songs like the “Macarena” and “Achy Breaky Heart” for all of them to dance the night away. I’m sure Lola had a great time!

Lola, I love you and thank-you for loving me.

Your Apo,
Deannie.

My Lola

ISLA _ Teresa 1918 - 2004

It is with great sadness that the family announces the passing of Teresa Isla on Monday, February 16, 2004 at the Rockyview General Hospital. Teresa was born in the Philippines and immigrated to Canada in 1971. She was very active in the Filipino community, catering for their various activities and was the Treasurer for the Filipino Seniors' Group. Some of her hobbies included cake decorating, crocheting, singing, dancing and puzzle solving. She will be remembered for her beautiful smile, her laughter, her positive outlook on life, and most especially her generosity to those around her. Teresa was predeceased by her husband Primo Isla and two sisters, Pilar Sanchez and Consolacion Fulgencio. She will be forever remembered by her children, Renato, Eduardo and Amelita and their families; brother Rudy (Teresita) Fulgencio Sr.; nephew Carlos Sanchez and children, Lauren (and her daughter Brooklyn) and Michael; niece Norma (August) Estrella and their children, David, Mabel and Dean; nephew Rudy (Mary) Fulgencio Jr. and their children, Candice and Anthony; niece Debbie Fulgencio; nephew Morley Fulgencio; niece Terry (Irwin) Horsey and their children, Ashley and Shawn. Relatives and friends are invited to Prayers at LEYDEN'S FUNERAL HOME (17 Avenue and 2 Street S.W.) on Friday, February 20, 2004 at 7:00 p.m. Funeral Mass will be celebrated at St. Bonaventure Roman Catholic Church (1600 Acadia Drive S.E.) on Saturday, February 21, 2004 at 1:00 p.m. with Rev. William Stephenson, Presider. Arrangements entrusted to LEYDEN'S FUNERAL HOME. Telephone: 228-4422. 032313
Calgary Herald, Area Code 403

5 Country Race. (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)

In the span of 5 days, I'll have gone from:

Phnom Penh, Cambodia - Bangkok, Thailand
Bangkok, Thailand - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Kuala Lumpure, Malaysia - Singapore
Singapore - Adelaide, Australia

Wow! All of that's been done by bus, except for the flight to Australia tomorrow evening. Lots of sitting on the bus, thinking and relaxing! Talk to you from Down Under!!!

Left Behind (Bangkok, Thailand... Again)

Well, I'm here again in Bangkok, now for the 3rd time in 4 months. I'll probably be back about 2 or 3 more times. I still haven't even really seen all the sights here because I'm waiting for Jeremy (and hopefully my friend Jenny) to get here and see it with me. So for the time being I'm just hanging out on Khao San Road, this trendy backpacker area. I'm sick of it. Luckily I'm catching a bus at 6pm to work my way down to Singapore. This will take me about 2 days, ouch, 2 days of sitting in a bus won't be very fun. At least when I was in India, I had a somewhat comfortable train where I could sleep and move aroud. I just got to Bangkok last night, that one was a 16 hour bus ride, but thankfully the route taken wasn't the bumpy one. I'm also glad that I'm not staying in Bangkok for more than 24hrs. Get me outta here!!

My Aching Heart

As you probably all know, I've just spent the last 18 or so days in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. What you don't know, nor can I really explain to you is how much I'm going to miss the kids at the Lighthouse Orphanage. Holy shit, I cannot believe how badly those kids stole my heart in such a short period of time. So, not only did I leave behind 26 adorable children, but I left a piece of my heart.

My last day there went like this. It was a Sunday so none of the kids were at school, it was nice to be able to hang out with all of them. It was just a regular day of playing, painting and resting. We played a Cambodian style Duck Duck Goose and this interesting game of Dodge Ball where the losing team has to sing a song as the other team approaches and gives the losing team a high five. I guess this a big hit during Cambodian New Year with the adults as well. I also performed a dance for the kids as they sang, I tried to imitate their "Apsara Traditional Dance" which ended up with them laughing really hard on the ground.

I let my driver go home early because we also had a mini bus there to take us home. Soon after he left I realized that I needed him to translate the fact that I won't be back tomorrow, or the next day or the next day. So at the end of the day, I began to say goodbye. I told Chumrun first and he said "See you tomorrow". I said, "No Tomorrow". Earlier that day were reciting the months of the year and said them from Feb to Aug. He soon understood as his face dropped. I then took him to some of the younger boys and Chumrun explained for me. I then learned how to see 6 months in Khmer so instead of saying see you tomorrow I was able to say "See you Pram Mouy Sabbadah". As I picked up Nee and hugged him I felt tears coming to my eyes. I stopped myself from crying, I have to be stronger than the kids for their sake. I hugged Chumrun and then saw tears in his eyes, we looked into each others eyes and at that moment, it didn't matter that we couldn't speak the same language, we knew exaclty what we wanted each other to know. I then went on to hug all the other kids one by one, very tightly. Then again and again. From the man that lives their, SreiLyda's husband, I shook his hand and he took it and in Cambodian style gave me the most heartfelt thank-you I've ever had. That too almost made me cry.

Our Mini Bus went missing, as he drove some volunteers home earlier and never returned. So the 4 of us volunteers had to find a couple moto taxis off the street. The kids all walked with us down the street and clutched us with all their strength. This was the sweetest farewell I could have ever asked for. Once we got to the street and were able to communicate to the drivers where we wanted to go, we hugged again and again and again. Each time saying "See you pram mouy sabbadah". I'm glad they understood that I'm coming back. Then as we were about to go, our driver came!

Since then, I've thought and thought the kids and looked at their pictures. I will truly miss them.

The Best Money I Ever Spent

You're probably all wondering what I did with the money that was given to me. First off I need to thank:

Norma Estrella
Dave Estrella
Tammy Gurr
Dawn Burden
Andie Marshall
Jane Gillespie
Dillan Koropatrick
Pearl ______ (?)

In total I was able to raise $488.50 CDN which equals $368 USD. Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!!!

A few days ago, Chumrun, I've spoken of him before, was able to form a sentance, (wow, that's an accomplishment all in itself right there) and he said "I like..... go to.... English school." I was like "What did you say? You want to go to English school?, hold on, let me grab Thom so he can translate for us." I grabbed our faithful Moto driver and soon found out that for a child to take English classes costs $2/month. However, if the child is from a poor family (that's an understatment) then its only $1/month.

Thou shall be done! The next day I walked over to the school with Chumrun and Aroon to gather some information. Little did I realize that the school is also where all the kids go to for regular Cambodian schooling.(If you're wondering why Chumrun and Aroon weren't at school, its because they go early in the morning and the other half go in the afternoon). Next thing I knew So Saroup and Sokohn were running up to me and hugging me. I looked into some of the classrooms and saw a lot of the kids waving at me. I guess it must have been exciting for them to see me at their school. Well, to be honest it was pretty cool to see them at school in the classrooms and it made me feel very special to have two of them run up to me. Anyway, turns out that there's no english speaking teachers/administrators there during the day and I had to return at 5pm.

So at 4:45pm, I grab Chumrun and Aroon again to see if they want to walk with me again. They both go into my pocket and grab my watch and look at it. Chumrun gives me this smile like he has something to say but doesn't speak. So 3/4's of the way there, he finally says out of the blue, "Five..... twenty.... twenty.....five." I reply, "What do you mean? Are you trying to tell me that we're too early, we need to be at the school at 5:25?". I pull out my watch again and he says again with more confidence "Five, twenty-five!". Okay, so we're a little early no big deal, we get to the school at 4:55 and wait and watch the children congregate in the play area. Finally, after the kids have pulled out my watch to see what time it is like 3 or 4 times, I say "Okay fine, lets go back and come back later." So we walk to the orphanage again, this time with the rest of the kids running and catching up behind us.

Five minutes after we get there, Socheat says "I go to school". There are already 6 kids that attend the English school. I was going to join them so I could speak to the teacher, next thing I know everybody is talking amongst themselves and the 6 kids turns into 12. The previous day, we spoke to the lady (Sreilyda) who lives there and she basically knew what was going on. There was obviously some kind of miscommunication though because she sent the 6 other kids with me, but I just wanted to get some info. Anyway, back at the school, I finally get to talk to the teacher and she explains a few things to me. The problem is, the school isn't very organized, much like most Asian institutes. I didn't really get all my answers. However, in the end, all 12 of the kids joined the class, with the intention that the following day all 28 kids would join the class. I walked back all by myself. This was a tremendous feeling. I can only imagine what it would be like for a parent who's raised a child for 5 years and brings them to their first day of kindergarten. I'm sure my feelings at that moment don't really compare to that of a parent, but I gotta tell you it was triumphant for me.

So, the next day I didn't have a good english speaking translator at the orphanage, but a guy who was able to get by. I spoke with SreiLyda and tried to explain to her how I thought the schooling process would work and my concerns about them eating dinner and going dancing on some nights. We decided that on Monday, everybody would start to take the English classes, including her! The thing is, there was a huge miscommunication and it turns out that instead of all the kids going to the school each day, a teacher will come to them! I guess they set it all up for the teacher to come twice a day in order to teach the kids that aren't at regular public school at that time. Unfortunatley, I left one day too early to actually see and meet the teacher. I'm still waiting for an email to tell me how it went. So to all you donors out there, please be content in knowing that you're paying for 6 months of education that will help these children get ahead. Thank-you! When I return to Cambodia in August I've still got left over money, this will most likely go towards another 6 months of english lessons! On top of all this, your money has paid for...

New Clothes

Yup, for $50 USD, we were able to go to a market and buy a new outfit for each child. Man, this was fun! We went to this market that was like a maze and eventually found some good clothes for the kids. I was able to practise my Khmer that the kids have taught me and bargain a little, well bargain a lot. We got some really cute dresses and skirts, shorts, pants, white button-up shirst for their school uniforms, t-shirts, blouses, panties, briefs, boxers and bras for the older girls.

The next day we had all the kids sit down with boys to the right and girls to the left. We started with the underwear and had all the girls laughing at the boys and vice-versa. One by one, we handed out each piece of clothing and one by one, each child was ever so grateful. It was amazing at how well behaved they were. We thought that they'd be grabbing and fighting over items, but it was actually quite tame. They were also very considerate of each other, saying that this shirt would be better for so and so or what about some pants for so and so.

We were also expecting them to put their clothes on right away and all be running around in new outfits. Instead what they did was, as we handed out one piece, they'd all take it and roll it up and stuff it into their pocket or under their shirt. It was something that was theirs and no one could take it away. After it was all done, a few of them tried on a few articles and then put their old clothes on again. By the end of it, all of them had gone to their plastic bag that they have hidden or hung somewhere within the house. They all tucked it away. Within the next few days we all began to see the new clothes coming out and they were all slowly wearing new items, quite proudly. Once again, I thank-you (the donors) for helping me do this.

"Ms. & Mr. Little Ones" by Stevie Wonder

This song is dedicated to the children of Cambodia...

What is that that you're looking through
a pornographic magazine?
When I bet you don't even know how to
spell the word
And you say you don't leave home unless
you're strapped
With your uzi sub machine
When you've just barely come into this world
Well, if a child's ways and actions
Reflect what they hear and see
Guess the only ones to blame are you and me

Ms. & Mr. Little Ones
Look what's happened to our world
Ms. & Mr. Little Ones
We're so sorry
The only chance for a better one
Is up to you and he
Please! Forgive us for what we've done
Ms. & Mr. Little Ones

What kind of name is that you're calling her
I've heard that word before
But I don't think any parent would give their
daughter a name so low
And about this extra paraphernalia
You say you're carrying to get high

That won't take you anywhere you want to go
Well, you don't have to listen
Cause it's here for you to see
So many burnt out lives trapped in their misery

Ms. & Mr. Little Ones
Look what's happened to our world
Ms. & Mr. Little Ones
We're so sorry
The only chance for a better one
Is up to you and he
Please! Forgive us for what we've done
Ms. & Mr. Little Ones

Oh, I could rattle on about the good old days
And how life used to be
And even inwardly relive them vividly
But the best advice I can give to you
Is that we only go around one time
Treat each day like this is it
And give it the best you can

Ms. & Mr. Little Ones
Look what's happened to our world
Ms. & Mr. Little Ones
We're so sorry
The only chance for a better one
Is up to you and he
Please! Forgive us for what we've done
Ms. & Mr. Little Ones

Ms. & Mr. Little Ones
Look what's happened to our world
Ms. & Mr. Little Ones
We're so sorry
There's so much we should and should
have never done
That's why we're beggin' on our knees
Please! Forgive us for what we've done
Ms. & Mr. Little Ones
Ms. & Mr. Little Ones

Dreading Tomorrow (Phnom Penh, Cambodia)

I haven't had the chance to do much writing in the last week or so, I've been quite busy with the orphanage going every day and returning in the evenings around 6:30pm. Having dinner and hanging doing a bit of hanging out with the volunteers, then off to bed. Its been a while since I've seen the 'workaholic Dean'.

Anyway, I'm not writing right now about my past week, that will be in an entry to come.

Tomorrow is going to be my last day to see the children I've so dearly cared for in the last 2 or so weeks. How do I say goodbye to them? How do I tell them that I won't see them again until August? Maybe I shouldn't even tell them at all that I'm leaving and just say my normal "Goodbye! See you tomorrow!". To me I think that's just cruel to leave and not say a formal goodbye. In the last few days the kids have really tried to make an effort to get to know me, I figure they think that I'm sticking around for a long time. I feel horrible because they've obviously grown attached to me, as I to them. Now I'm just leaving them.

I wonder if they realize who us foreigners are, that come to their orphanage each day and bring them food, bring them presents and play silly games with them. Who are these white skinned people, what do they want with us?

I think that if I make a big deal out of it tomorrow, then it will only make the children miss me more. At the same time, I don't want to make them seem like they're not important enough to my life that I wouldn't make a big deal. God, I hope that I don't cry when I hug them all goodbye. I hope that they can understand that I really do care about them and that if life weren't so complicated I'd stay with them forever. What would it take for me to stay with them forever? Is it possible to adopt these children, every single one of them?

Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. How do you say explain that to abandoned and orphaned children?