Dreading Tomorrow (Phnom Penh, Cambodia)

I haven't had the chance to do much writing in the last week or so, I've been quite busy with the orphanage going every day and returning in the evenings around 6:30pm. Having dinner and hanging doing a bit of hanging out with the volunteers, then off to bed. Its been a while since I've seen the 'workaholic Dean'.

Anyway, I'm not writing right now about my past week, that will be in an entry to come.

Tomorrow is going to be my last day to see the children I've so dearly cared for in the last 2 or so weeks. How do I say goodbye to them? How do I tell them that I won't see them again until August? Maybe I shouldn't even tell them at all that I'm leaving and just say my normal "Goodbye! See you tomorrow!". To me I think that's just cruel to leave and not say a formal goodbye. In the last few days the kids have really tried to make an effort to get to know me, I figure they think that I'm sticking around for a long time. I feel horrible because they've obviously grown attached to me, as I to them. Now I'm just leaving them.

I wonder if they realize who us foreigners are, that come to their orphanage each day and bring them food, bring them presents and play silly games with them. Who are these white skinned people, what do they want with us?

I think that if I make a big deal out of it tomorrow, then it will only make the children miss me more. At the same time, I don't want to make them seem like they're not important enough to my life that I wouldn't make a big deal. God, I hope that I don't cry when I hug them all goodbye. I hope that they can understand that I really do care about them and that if life weren't so complicated I'd stay with them forever. What would it take for me to stay with them forever? Is it possible to adopt these children, every single one of them?

Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. How do you say explain that to abandoned and orphaned children?