A New Something (Quito, Ecuador)

I have just rung in the new year with about 30 strangers and acquaintances on the rooftop patio of the hostel that I will begin to work at in 3 days time. I have a large smile on my face, despite that I am essentially alone on new years eve. Being surrounded by strangers gives me comfort that what lies ahead is unknown. I am facing this journey on my own, with the past behind me to give me lessons in life. These strangers are potential friends, potential influences, potential seeds that may feed me towards new directions, new beginnings. the unknown is so exciting, and I am the one who is guiding it, steering the direction of where I will and will not go.

This is now the second new year that I've rung in by myself. But this is perhaps the first in which I feel strong as an individual, with no ties, no one to hold me down.

I am thankful.

Thankful for the year that has passed, with all of it's ups and downs. An unexpected roller coaster ride, which was at times lonely, frightening, depressing, and darkened with dreadful fear. At other times, it was joyful, splendidly delightful, funny, and merciful. I have experienced a pain in my heart, a separation, a tearing of my insides that I had never imagined possible, and on the flip-side a renewal, a re-growth, a re-discovery of life and spirituality that was beneath the muddied surface. I have found a new light, a new life. I am on my own. However, I know that I am not alone. I carry with me my past, my friendships, my family, my colleagues, my clients, my acquaintances, my travel companions, my eyes and insights, my wisdom and ignorance, and most importantly my zest for life, to guide me and inform me. I am grateful for everything that has ever encountered my being to make me who I am today, ready to navigate through a new year, a new beginning, a new door, a new life that is always being re-born.

Thank you for the gift of life. Thank you for the unknown. Thank you for the past, the present, and what will become of me in the future.

Change and impermanence is the only value I can rely on these days.