Fully Booked (Koh Samui, Thailand)

Homesick

Maybe a week or so ago, while walking through yet another shopping mall in Manila, I bumped into a gorgeous book store. Staight away I sensed a certain ambience, and as I walked in I could smell that fresh aroma of brewed coffee, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and thought... 'Chapters'. I walked around the store and saw the different displays of new releases, bestsellers, Harry Potter, up and coming authors, etc, I couldn't help but think of my own days working at a book store. As I kept going through the different sections, fiction, music, photography, travel, etc, I realized that I really, really miss home. Its not necessarily the fact that I miss Chapters, because I don't think that I'd ever want to work there again, but it was just the comfort of being somewhere that felt like home to me.

Leaving Home

My last couple of weeks in the Philippines was spent with my relatives. The days were filled with activities such as playing the ever so addicting Mah Jong, singing with my cousins while RJ played his guitar, one huge 90th birthday bash for my only living Grandmother, one celebration of my grandma's 1 year death anniversary, watching films, playing with my young niece and nephew, sleeping, eating, shopping, etc. In short, I just relaxed.

After resisting many invitations to stay longer, mainly to see my one cousin get married in April and my other cousin to have a baby at the end of March, we sadly left. Yes, it was another sad goodbye to relatives that I got quite close to. It was as if I was leaving home all over again, taking off for another long journey and not knowing my return date. I actually had that feeling of butterflies in my stomach hours before our flight, that sense of insecurity inside. I can promise this; this is not a goodbye forever, I will come back to the Philippines.

My aunt texted me the day after we left and told me that Andre, the 2 year old boy, was knocking on mine and Jeremy's bedroom door in the morning and calling our names. Oh I can just hear his voice in my head... "Deannie, Deannie... Jemy, Jemy!". Lord, I hope that he remembers us.


Plans Always Change

And so here I am. In Thailand. Well, its not really home now is it? Jeremy has left me and reluctantly gone back to Calgary. His flight was 3 nights ago and arrived home yesterday morning. I've gotten word from him that all is well and that home is... home.

I myself am actually supposed to be in Indonesia right now. I had a flight leaving from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia yesterday morning to Medan, Indonesia. While in the Philippines I had gotten in contact with an NGO that is doing tsunami relief work in Sumatra, Indonesia. They welcomed me to join them and there lifestyle for 2 months, in a house where they practise yoga in the mornings, sleep on the floor, eat only vegetarian food and do various volunteer work from 10am - 6pm each day. As I've said before, I would love to do some volunteer work, I feel that I need to give back to someone, something, for blessing me with this great life that I lead.

The day before my flight I emailed them and said that I'm too homesick and I am regretfully not coming. The thought of me having to get settled in, make friends, deal with refugees who've lost their homes and families, and then, have to say goodbye. I wouldn't be able to go through the heartache once more. Even as I write this, I think of all of the horrors that these people have gone through and my heart cries for them. I don't know if I'd be able to witness it first hand. I sound really selfish for all saying this, I know. But perhaps I can help out in another form, donate more money or do some other form of volunteer work in Calgary.

Ah yes, Calgary... where does that leave me? Well right now I'm on a island in Thailand and its absolutley pouring rain here! I woke this morning frightened because the storming rain may bring my small hut crashing to the ground. I am enjoying myself though and I'll enjoy every day until I go home. Its actually nice to be on my own again, meet some other backpackers and just chill. (No offense to Jeremy). After I write this blog I'll hide away in a spa and get a nice long Thai massage and pamper myself with a pedicure or something.

So anyway, I've got 8 days. That's right, 8 days left on my trip that started in October, 2003. While in Bangkok, I booked my flight home. I'M GOING HOME!!!!

Only 2 people in Calgary know that I'm going home. I'm banking on the fact that no one will read this before I get there so I can do a bit of surprising. So don't tell anyone!